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Random Thoughts From Hell

What My Mind Goes Through On A Daily Basis

Created on 2002-10-07 10:45:49 (#731427), last updated 2006-07-31

368 comments received, 424 comments posted

Basic Info
Name:Liz
Birthdate:06-20
Location:Endicott, New York, United States
Website:A Fatal Attraction To Cuteness
Bio
I'm Liz.
I'm 25 in a world of 19-year-olds.
I'm outgoing. creative. funny. romantic. untrusting.
I love my friends.
Without them I would not be who I am today.
I love writing.
It keeps me from hurting myself most days.
I love raves and going to shows.
I don't seem to go to enough of both.
I like to party but I don't like to drink much.
I care too much about my looks sometimes.
I want to be a model someday.
I love fashion and shopping.
I love NYC so much it has become an addiction.
I am a sucker for pale skinny emo guys.
And guys with dreads.
I write a lot of poetry, and I feel very naked without my journal with me.
I want to fall in love.
I'm afraid of living my life without falling in love.
I am very scared of being in a serious relationship.
I have been hurt too much to trust guys.
I am petrified of being alone.
I can't stand the thought.
I am bi-polar and hate it.
Half the time I can't even tell what I am feeling.
I hate fake people.
Period.
I want to move to NYC.
Sometimes I really don't feel like I belong.
At all.
I am not sure I even know who I am.
But hopefully soon I will find out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I open my eyes
truth comes out
whether you can read it
or not.
Sometimes I feel guilty
for being a man
even though I'm not quite a man
though I am twenty-one
I am scared shitless
and everywhere
I turn
I see walls
of self-assuredness
and no broken human
whom I can cling to,
cry to, and say,
stay with me,
weather this night and this winter
Sometimes I never say anything original,
which hasn't been said, recycled and regurgitated before
Sometimes
no one understands
words fail
this striving is useless
Sometimes I feel I can't take one more sunset
Sometimes I know
I will never truly know another person
Sometimes I feel like when people say,
you can't do that
I want to respond with
fuck you
But I don't
I am scared to say what I really mean
What I really want to say is
I don't understand love
This face I hold up is a mask
rotting from the inside,
but it will do for now,
for another day, which somehow
I have the strength to get through.

--Jacob McCoy


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Quiet Mutual 2 chains No 1-hop
Coded by sachmet






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